Parent & Child Conversation

First Things First

Examine your relationship with your child (NOTE: this is not time to barge in and overpower your child.)

In preparation for your meeting, please strongly consider these points:

• Take some time to see if there are any areas where you have broken trust, become distant or caused your child to resent you.
• Regardless of how they are behaving, or how you feel, look at your child with delight and pleasure and smile at them.
• This is a time to be a friend and do things with your child that they enjoy. Show an interest in what’s important to them.
• Be more ready with your ears than your mouth and be very sensitive to their concerns. In most grooming cases, children are filled with guilt and shame, and need your help to be set free from this bondage.
• The strongest form of discipline may not be in the form of punishment, but in the form of sowing seeds of love and mutual respect, so that trust can be built.
• Remember, your goal here is for your child to become vulnerable and open up to you and tell you what’s really going on in their world. This is not the time to barge in and overpower your child.

Get On Their Level

Older kids need to know you see them and understand that they are still individuals who are capable of making mistakes, as well as being capable of learning to make better choices. Younger children are not the same and require a different approach. Sit on the floor with them. Play with your kids. Tumble, roll around, laugh, and earn their trust so they will be more comfortable when they open up to you. Planning for any important meeting takes time…and there’s nothing that’s more important than your child.

Take Them on an Adventure

Go for a drive, a walk, a hike, or a bike ride. Do whatever it takes to get them to a mental and emotional place to open up. These are heavy conversations and they require a child to be in a place where they understand you are on their side.

Start a Project Together

Find something that your child is very interested in and take the time to turn it into a project then build it together. This will build trust and provide a safer atmosphere for them to open up. Remember, just because you live with them doesn’t mean they don’t spend more time with peers online. The more time you can spend with them AWAY from their routine, the better.

Make the Time

For generations, the Boy Scout motto has always simply been “Be Prepared.” Effective communication requires the same willingness and forethought. Imagine studying for a PASS/FAIL test where your child’s life and safety are the passing grade. Preparation is key to hosting an effective meeting with your child. Before you meet, please read and apply the following:

1. Set a date to talk to each of your children individually to discuss the reality of grooming in all its forms.
2. Read through common grooming situations in the fully illustrated pages of this handbook. Go over all of the Grooming Indicators.
3. If you have found something alarming on your child’s computer or phone that triggers you, STOP. Breathe. Give yourself some time to calm down before the talk. You may need to discuss the findings with someone. If so, you can contact Untrafficked by sending an email to info@untrafficked.org. Other options might include calling a trusted family member, friend, counselor, or even law enforcement in a case they may be required. In an emergency, call 911.
4. Record the meeting. This is important.
5. When you start your talk, get on your child’s level and choose an activity to bring comfort to them. Ultimately, this may prove to be the way that they open up to YOU, before you even start the talk.
6. When your child is asleep, check their computer and phone for any of the following:
   • Have they removed the Privacy Settings While Online feature?
   • Internet chat rooms they are in
   • Social media platforms they use
   • Online video gaming platforms they use
   • Inappropriate conversations via SMS
   • Private chats via social media or gaming platforms
   • Unusual and inappropriate comments or asks from a connection or a request from other online players
   • If they’ve ever met up with a stranger that they met in an internet chat room
   • Unusual or inappropriate comments, requests, or conversations with another student, faculty member, teacher, stranger on campus, family member, or a friend